The Farewell

Here is another opportunity to visit with a different culture and see how it contrasts to the one you likely fit in. An immigrant Chinese Family returns to China to see an ill grandmother, but the extent of the illness is to be kept from the woman because of family expectations. When the granddaughter and her parents express their doubts about this choice, they explain to her Uncle, that it would not even be possible to keep this information from the woman, in the U.S. it would be illegal.  That’s a pretty stark contrast in values and there are other places where the differences come up as well.

Billi, the character played by star Awkafina, is devoted to her grandmother, speaking to her on the phone on a regular basis, even though it has been years since they have been together. Her parents are willing to go along with the charade, both out of duty but also because they too believe it is a wise thing to do. Billi is invited to not travel to the makeshift wedding of her cousin that has been established as the subterfuge to justify all the family members arriving simultaneously. Her parents do not believe she can be trusted to withhold her grief from Grandma [Nai Nai]. This is certainly true as the story goes on, because Billi cannot retrain herself from going to China and she is not a good enough actor to hide the fact that something is wrong. Awkafina on the other hand seems to be a good enough actress to show us all of those things about Billi, sometimes in narrative but usually in demonstration. Her bowed head and slumped shoulders are a giveaway that she is beaten down by life but especially by this moment in her life.

This story may pose an additional issue that is unrelated to a specific culture but is connected to all of us and our health. Ask yourself, “How important is my attitude toward the management of a heath crisis?” A doctor telling you that you only have so long to live, might actually be accelerating your decay by taking whatever wind out of your sails you may have had. Depression has got to contribute to the decline in quality of life and the foreknowledge of your diagnosis is certainly going to be depressing. There may in fact be people out there who are pursuing a different type of youth in Asia [That’s a pun folks, not a misunderstanding of the word].

The story is ultimately a heart warming experience with a family in a period of crisis. In the long run, it is a family that does have each others best interests at heart so the conflicts are minor rather than melodramatic. Nai Nai is a hoot, she says the right thing at the right time and her loving attitude toward everyone is something we could all hope for. The one thing that will stand out for most people is that eating is a critical part of these relationships, and as we see food being prepared, served, argued about and consumed, you will certainly wonder where you can get some of the dishes that are featured.

On a side note: This film is primarily in Mandarin with English subtitles. There are many sections in English but at least two thirds are in non-english formats. There were three large groups of families who came to see the movie which is great, but the one family that sat next to us proved a bit of a problem. The seven or eight year old boy was clearly not interested and apparently not capable of reading effectively. His mother narrated all of the film that was not in English and it was incredibly distracting despite the fact she was not particularly loud. So we are hearing the words in one language, reading them in another, and hearing them again in the second language. It was an annoying echo that undermined the experience substantially, and when the mother had to explain some things to the child, it was even more problematic. This was a bad choice for them and it was a worse one for us.

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